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The Goonies: 30 Years, 30 Facts
The Goonies turns 30 this summer. No time for dwelling on how this fact makes you feel old; the sheer awesomeness of this film should shield you from any feelings of decrepitude. The Goonies has everything: charismatic performances from kids (ask yourself: what was the last kid-driven movie where you didn’t want to push the kids off a…
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Apparently, I Turned Into White Trash This Month
While you all were spending the past month raving on about the latest things, like The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt or how fun it is to zing someone with the saying “Sorry…not sorry!”, I was slowly, inexplicably turning into white trash. I know not the origins of this transformation; I only know that I haven’t been this mortified since I led a bus…
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Need To Go The F#@k To Sleep? Let Me Help.
One night several weeks ago, I had a brutal time getting to sleep. I wasn’t anxious about anything (at least consciously), I was actually tired, hadn’t had any caffeine late in the day, and there was no ambient noise disturbing me. It was reminiscent of my youth when I watched something wholly inappropriate for my age, like Jaws or…
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Fixing Advertising, One Commercial At A Time
If we’re being honest, the Seahawks didn’t display the worst decision-making ability on Super Bowl Sunday. Of course, I’m referring to the always-anticipated commercial spate which, for the most part, came off like a series of farts in church. Really, Nationwide: using the image of a dead kid?! I love things done in poor taste, but eww. That Mercedes-Benz “Tortoise…
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The Name Blame Game
I think we can all agree that the practice of creative naming has reached a fever pitch in this country. It seems like there has been a massive repudiation of so-called “traditional” names in recent years. I call it Namania. Steven is out; Stark is in. Theresa is but a memory, but here’s Tinsley! Here’s the thing: people think they’re…
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Maybe The Holidays Don’t Suck As Much As We Think
We’ve reached another holiday season, and I’m a bit forlorn. As of this writing, I expected to be feted as a fellow with the International Blogging Institute at a ceremony in Newark, New Jersey. But…NEWS FLASH…it appears that there’s no such thing as the International Blogging Institute; it was a con to liberate me of $250 (made all…
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We Are The Worst: A Retrospective of Forgotten Songs For A Cause
Activist/singer/hobo impersonator Bob Geldof recently got the Band Aid back together for an Ebola relief effort (actually, Bono was the only member to return). We’re also heading into prime radio play territory for Band Aid’s 1984 classic “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” I’ve always loved the concept of the cause song. The eclectic mishmash of singers. The “WTF?” presence of…
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In Which I Write About 18 TV Shows That I Don’t Watch
I live in Portland. It’s a city of iconoclasts — many of them filthy and unshaven, but that’s neither here nor there. One of the traditional American institutions we Portlandians love to rebel against is watching television. We can say “I don’t even own a TV” at parties and somehow not come off as douchey. Personally, I think it’s…
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Meeting Peyton Meyer: A Running Diary
Just who is Peyton Meyer, you ask? Only one of the stars of The Disney Channel’s hit series Girl Meets World! Or, as I like to refer to the show, Hands Meet Ears — the high-pitched warble of the titular character is almost as irritating as the voice of that one girl on that other Disney Channel show.…
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Who Wore It Better, Defunct Sports League Edition
I confess: I haven’t really had the time to update this thing recently. Worse, I’m kind of low on ideas for a post. I blame the oppressive heat. While I languish in Creative Prison (a la Hollywood this summer) I’m turning to the time-honored last resort of desperate bloggers everywhere: a poll. But not just any poll! I think I…
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Geoff Wondering 