Category: Rants
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Apparently, I Turned Into White Trash This Month
While you all were spending the past month raving on about the latest things, like The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt or how fun it is to zing someone with the saying “Sorry…not sorry!”, I was slowly, inexplicably turning into white trash. I know not the origins of this transformation; I only know that I haven’t been this mortified since I led a bus…
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Need To Go The F#@k To Sleep? Let Me Help.
One night several weeks ago, I had a brutal time getting to sleep. I wasn’t anxious about anything (at least consciously), I was actually tired, hadn’t had any caffeine late in the day, and there was no ambient noise disturbing me. It was reminiscent of my youth when I watched something wholly inappropriate for my age, like Jaws or…
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The Name Blame Game
I think we can all agree that the practice of creative naming has reached a fever pitch in this country. It seems like there has been a massive repudiation of so-called “traditional” names in recent years. I call it Namania. Steven is out; Stark is in. Theresa is but a memory, but here’s Tinsley! Here’s the thing: people think they’re…
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Maybe The Holidays Don’t Suck As Much As We Think
We’ve reached another holiday season, and I’m a bit forlorn. As of this writing, I expected to be feted as a fellow with the International Blogging Institute at a ceremony in Newark, New Jersey. But…NEWS FLASH…it appears that there’s no such thing as the International Blogging Institute; it was a con to liberate me of $250 (made all…
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’80s One-Hit Wonders? Not So Fast
I love ’80s music, and have since at least 1980. While the calendar may read 2014, my musical sensibilities have never really progressed beyond the Decade of Decadence. I mean, I once went to a Simple Minds concert…in 1996. You can have your Katy Perry; I’ll take Steve Perry any day. Have fun with Maroon 5…
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(A Few Of) The Most Insufferable Things in Hollywood
To report every instance of idiocy, ineptitude and blowhardiness in Hollywood would take a team of several thousand bloggers working 20-hour days. This is not news. The group assigned to the Kardashians would break the Internet alone with its output. Nevertheless, as a world-class cynic, I would be remiss if I did not point out the most egregious offenders to…
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This Is What I Think About Technology In 2013
At the risk of trapping you in a morass of platitudes, we can all agree that we have some amazing gadgetry at our fingertips in this day and age (aside: it’s now legal in 32 states to punch someone who uses the term “In this day and age.” Easily the most fatuous term ever). I mean, I still can’t…
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October: One of The Top 12 Months
October…when the weather turns cooler (except for the half of the month where it’s warm and everyone says, “Wow, it’s unusually warm this month!” and I feel like saying, “Yeah, umm…this is like the seventh year in a row you’ve mentioned this.”). Anyway, there’s a lot of stuff that’s specific to October. Much of it…
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Hardy? Hardly.
Summer in Portland, Oregon is generally a glorious time. From June to August, the rainfall is negligible at best (we often see about a half inch of rain in July compared to around 7 in December). The sunshine is the decadent reward for enduring week upon week of grayness and drizzle. Even still, the worst…
Geoff Wondering 