The list of things that have been pandemic’d is long and distinguished: the Tokyo Olympics. The Democratic and Republican National Conventions. The resumption of in-person classes at the University of Minnesota-Mankato, and maybe some other schools. Oh, and the summer movie season which, despite home and mobile access to any and all manner of entertainment, still holds some cache. One of the crown jewels of the 2020 summer slate was scheduled to be Top Gun: Maverick, the long-awaited sequel to 1986’s Top Gun. Now, I’m no TG apologist. I fully acknowledge that this isn’t a great, or even a good, movie. There’s little depth to the characters, the plot meanders, the dogfight scenes are confusing as hell, and there’s a typo in the opening narration (you’d think they would have someone to insure that wouldn’t happen). But… TG checks a lot of boxes: it’s undeniably entertaining, is very quotable, and features one of the greatest soundtracks ever to invade my ears. Needless to say, waiting 34 years for the sequel has been tough. I stuck with Cruise through the good (Minority Report) and baaaaad (Lions For Lambs) until the stars aligned – (ie, Cruise’s desperation for a big hit grew great enough). So, to find out that that the release date has been delayed and I have to wait until July 2021 to take my nostalgia bath put me into a tailspin. Luckily, as one does, I’ve channeled my disappointment by creating a quiz. See if you can match the call sign with the real name of the TG character. It’s kinda hard! But really, isn’t it worse if it’s too easy?! Answers are at the bottom. Have a bandit day!

Answers: 1/ b; 2/h; 3/j; 4/c; 5/f; 6/I; 7/g; 8/d; 9/e; 10/k; 11/l; 12/a

0-2: (Sniff, then say your name)… you stink.

3-4: Whose butt did you kiss to get in here, anyway?

5-7: You’re going to need a beer to put these flames out.

8-10: You are dangerous.

11-12: You’re the elite… the best of the best.