There’s a grocery store not too far away from me that sells its stock at a steep discount. You know the “reduced rack” in the back by the restrooms of your local Safeway? It’s like that, only cheaper — and, come to think of it, slightly dirtier than a Safeway restroom. If you’re thinking, “Oh, like my local independently-owned and operated Grocery Outlet?” No! Keep going down the pecking order, and abandon all pretense while you’re at it. This place is no-frills, with makeshift displays, unkempt aisles and nary an employee to be found. If you’re looking for spiffy, too bad: this place only serves up iffy. And it’s glorious! From brands you’ve never heard of to slightly-damaged packaging to possibly-expired merchandise (the “Sell by” date isn’t the same as the “Use by” date!), this is the place to let your cheap flag fly. This merchandise has clearly been purchased in bulk. Or, it could’ve fallen off the back of a truck. Whatever. The prices are crazy insane very low! Are those wrinkly grape tomatoes okay to eat? Of course… if you’re planning on wolfing them down on your way home! Not sure if that bag of sriracha maple bacon popcorn is going to taste good? Only one way to find out! Worried your Whole Foods-devotee friends will discover your slumming? Those snobs pay $9 for a container of cruelty-free, fair trade, organic dish soap — they’re the ones who should be embarrassed! Going to a deep discount grocery store is not unlike going to a thrift shop. I don’t hit it looking for anything specific; I go there hoping to stumble upon treasure — the stuff I didn’t know I needed, if you will. It’s all about the hunt. If an excursion  produces quarry such as Korean salsa, well, I don’t question it; I treat it as a freaking gift from the bargain gods. The other day, I walked out of my local penny-pincher’s paradise with three bags brimming with stuff. What did I get? Who gives a crap? I spent $12!

Not to bury the lede, but according to USA Today, the price of food has risen nearly 27% over the past decade. That’s a lot — it even outpaces the rate of inflation. I don’t know about you, but I need to save all the pennies I can for my increasingly quixotic effort to fund my child’s college education. Look, my main objective in life is to never, ever pay full-price for anything (second objective: if it’s convenient, be good to people). This might not be you. You may be content spending the equivalent of the GDP of a small country every month at their local chain supermarket. To be fair, a trip to your local cheapo grocery store won’t completely negate the need for you to schlep to Behemoth Mart; discount store doesn’t offer that fresh trout you can’t get enough of, you pescatarian poser. If you’re worried about buying stuff you don’t need simply because it’s a great deal, this can be overcome through discipline and shaming. And, it’s becoming trendy for Millennials to frequent discount grocery stores, which could be a positive or a negative (personally, I think they show us the way forward). My writey sense tells me that you can only tolerate 500 words or so on this topic. So, to sum things up: you’re willing to make a few small concessions on quality, selection, presentation, customer service and perhaps parking, a 12-for-$2 deal on off-off-brand energy bars awaits you.